A Close Call…..




Monday 30th July 2018

Its 8.30pm  suddenly I was struggling to breathe, it felt like something was chooking me & I had a really tight chest (but no pain)

I thought I was having the biggest panic attack.

Calm down Becks breathe slowly, you’ve just had a lovely dinner with a friend …


I then I slept for a couple of hours.




At 11.30 I woke up feeling REALLY WEIRD, dripping with sweet & wanting to vomit.


QUESTION do I go back to sleep? I felt NOT & then within the next 30mins I managed to get my legs out of bed & attempted to stay sitting up…

Oh my Medical alarm, I guess I should press it!











Someone from St Johns answers, eek quickly realised I can’t really talk!!! After some mumbling they heard the word chest

Before I know it the ambulance was here, some obs taken “we are taking you to ED – me -YES PLEASE” & onto the ambulance stretcher I go…

They asked me what to pack I pointed to my suitcase which I packed on the previous Friday knowing I was probably going to the hospital at some point

Thank you Lord for the prompting! I hadn’t been feeling well for the last few days

The rest is a bit of a blur…




Tuesday 31st July 2018

Emergency Department…

They put me in a cubicle, took my OB’s, hooked me up to an ECG machine & they managed to get a line in me for bloods, which is a miracle in itself!

The nurse then injects my stomach with some really nasty painful stuff (which I know now helped save my life!).

2am ish (I think) The doctor comes in & shuts the curtain. “We think considering all the chemo you have received your having a minor heart attack, your hearts beating at 200beats per minute”

IM IN SHOCK but I definitely wouldn’t change having had the chemo

Next thing they take me upto Radiology for a chest X-ray.

A while later things really start to hit me & I start crying; both my grandmothers died of heart attacks, it’s in my family. BUT HEY IM ONLY 38!!!

I returned to be given a spray under my tongue, it didn’t do anything…

6am (I think), Now that they think they know whats happening I better text someone… my sis, sorry febs but….. when can you call me? She does & now is in as much shock as I am.

10am (i think), a bunch of well dressed Doctors arrive, which I now know where the Cardiologists.

They  check my heart & ask me lots of questions.

They then say to my relief, even though your hearts racing, we don’t think your having a heart attack, YAY as relief comes over me…



My portacath is then accessed for a contrast solution and they take me up for a CT Scan (which to my delight it’s quick opposed to my normal MRI scans).



Within minutes Im back in ED. “You have TWO MASSIVE CLOTS, ONE ON EACH LUNG. THEY ARE PRESSING ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF YOUR HEART. We think they have come from a clot in your left leg”. Your going to ICU as soon as they have a room cleared for you.


I quickly update my sis, with a sense of relief OBVIOUSLY not realising how serious things actually were…..








Even though this was a critical time I experienced the most incredible peace throughout it all.

I remember spending most of the time reciting psalm 21: The Lord is my shepard I shall not want, he makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters… He restores my soul … Even though I walk through the valley of death  I will fear no evil for you are with me. Your rod & staff comfort me.
*little did I know that I actually was walking through the SHADOW of the valley of death.




In I go & get all hooked up looking like ET & ouch receive another one of those nasty jabs.
I then have one of the coronary docs turn up with a machine.
He carries out an echocardiogram to check out my heart. Wohoo it’s ticking but very fast esp the right side which was obviously a lot bigger, I’m told this is to be expected as the clots where pressing against it. 

My heart is now beating at 170 bpm which is better then 200!

I have my parents contact me from overseas, it was such a relief to hear there voices although was really hard to communicate as I still could hardly talk & the reception was terrible!
Im absolutely exhausted yet don’t know if I can sleep. After being introduced to my amazing nurse for the afternoon. I managed to eat some ice cream & jelly & try to settle in.

After waking from a few hours of broken sleep, yay I’m presented with some cold Hospital toast (which I actually like) And attempt to come to terms with what just happened….

My Doc comes in & tells me if I hadn’t pushed my Medical alarm I wouldn’t be here as I was minutes from DROPPING DEAD. GULP Oh by the way if that did happen you need to decide if you want to be RECASITATED or not… CAN I TALK TO MY MUM ABOUT IT???


And so I do, as I was explaining what the doc said I realised that hey Im obviously still meant to be here, so YES Ill be Recasitated to which they were very pleased to hear.

The rest of the day involved contacting my wonderful friends & sister Ana  who brought me some ‘proper’ yummy food for my lunch & dinners.

Lots of dozing & wohoo I slept really well that night,  A big relief as the ward was soooo quiet.

Thursday 3rd August

Today’s visit by the doc…

Doc: looks like things have started to settle down

Me: do you think I’ll be home by the weekend?

Doc: NO your still have a 90% risk of having a cardiac arrest, we’re going to keep you in ICU for as long as possible.

Me: Right OK absolutely!


YAY my little AMAZING sis Febs is coming from Wgtn today, will be sooo good to see her😍

Its amazing when these things happen how it puts everything in perspective & you realise what & whom really matters; the Lord, family & wonderful friends.

Friday 4th August

Phew they have stopped giving me injections & replaced them with ‘Rivaroxaban’ blood thinning tablets.

Which only became funded on the 1st of August.

I’ll now be on these little gems for life



Nurse: so you had ‘submassive clots’

Me: what does that mean?

Nurse: we had to look it up and basically “YOU SHOULD BE DEAD BUT YOUR NOT!!!

Me: Wow thank you Lord!


Submassive Pulmonary Embolism. … Typically these patients will have a large amount of clot in the lungs. Although submassive pulmonary embolism needs to be taken very seriously, there is a wide range of severity with some submassivepulmonary embolisms more serious than others. Jan 20, 2016 


Im sooo grateful that they drip feed me this information, in a weird way it makes it all a tad easier to digest

Late Friday night Im told they need my room for someone else in ED so off I go (a huge thanks to febs who helped pack everything up).

While she was doing that the nurse was getting me all set up to have portable monitoring equipment as Id still be monitored by ICU.


Medical Unit

Yay I get my own room although defiantly not as nice as ICU & the ward is incredibly noisy.

I receive a text from my brother Nathan & him, my sister in law Yeshalem & little bro Jess have arrived in Nelson. They came done from Wgtn to see me, am definitely feeling the love!!!

Saturday 5th August

All 5 siblings back together after 10 years

Wow what an incredible experience having everyone together in the same room AND OF COURSE IT WAS VERY LOUD!
It was quite surreal esp as yay IM ALIVE & not in a box.
As you can imagine they were all really concerned & didn’t want to see it happen ever again (me too)! which brought what felt like a million questions…..
It was time for me to feel bossed around – we are all adults now.
And its 3pm & they all head back to the ferry after there fleeting amazing visit.

Sunday 6th August

After not getting much sleep, even though I was so exhausted after yesterdays exciting events, I continued to rest as much as I could while reassuring my sis that I will be ok, have things in place at home. And then farewelling Febs who needed to return home. She truly is amazing & someone I really appreciate having in my life.

I then enjoyed another visit from another friend. Definitely not the ideal place to catch up!


Monday 7th August

And so its a new week, Im feeling quite relieved that last Mondays events won’t happen again being on high dose blood thinners!

My heart is now stable & has been for over 48 hours.

The ‘going home’ talk now begins…..

I have lots of my questions explained to me, such as – where did the clots come from (turns out there must have been one in my leg, a result of being in a wheelchair & not receiving adequate exercises/stretches). But thats a whole other story…….

Yay I sleep well comforted knowing that its my last night here.

Tuesday 8th August

Home Time

As you can imagine I was quite apprehensive about this although really looking forward to my own bed!

A wonderful friend offered to come stay with me & help me get settled.

I go home not really knowing what the next chapter involves other then that Im still meant to be here.


Doctors appointments, tests, claims made, daily stretches re introduced, weakness & fatigue while my body heals – RECOVERY….

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Phillippians 1v6

HOWEVER I’m sooo grateful to still be here (you can only pinch yourself to a certain extent) BUT WHATS NEXT??? I have no idea However theres a new season in front of me and I know it’s going to be GOOD!

It’s time to dream again…..







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